There was a time in our not so recent past when our ancestors rose up and fought their carnivorous oppressors. From that day on, humans began their long climb up the food chain. From the trees we descended, unto the earth. Across vast expanses of grasslands and desert, we trudged. Learning the ways of weapon craft and hunting techniques until one day humans became the supreme creature, able to take down the most powerful and immense of beasts. First-rate consumers have always worked hard to digest and process nutrition, from inferior sources like grasses and gains. Predators have always exploited this by consuming the consumers. You are what you eat. We want you to know that chicken and beef are not the only way to get quality nutrition and still get adequate amounts of youth preserving protein. There is a superior alternative to factory farmed steroid pumped cows and poultry. Animals eat what they are fed, and often they become laden with toxic fillers and chemicals. The answer to quality, nutritious and flavorful flesh is in a vegan diet. That is, a diet consisting of vegan meat.
In this book we will explore many savory and delicious ways to prepare vegan meat, as well as how to obtain and maintain your supply of fresh vegan livestock. What to feed them and when, and what flavors can be accentuated with different techniques.
Section 1) Health
All around the world, meat has become almost a daily necessity to maintain a healthy diet. Meat is pack full of proteins and fats that are essential to maintaining a well-balanced nutrition. Beef, pork, seafood, and poultry all have their benefits and drawbacks, but one thing is for sure… most humans love to eat meat. When it comes to the quality of the meat we consume, this raises a number of issues. Through out time, the affluent society has had their pick at the best quality meat. Depending on the health and raising techniques of livestock, the meat they carry will greatly vary ranging from the nutrients they can provide to the hormones they are fed.
Free-range livestock is supposed to be healthier because the animals aren’t given growth hormones and are left to feed on grass and wild greens rather then being fed slop that’s used to fatten them up. The problem with free-range livestock is the meat they produce is a a lot more expensive then traditional mass-breeding farms. This makes it extremely inaccessible to the average person living paycheck to paycheck. Farm raised livestock is the meat that we commonly consume everyday. From McDonald’s to the “on sale” beef at the grocery store, everyday we eat meat that is packed full of growth hormone, preservatives, and chemicals. The animals that are raised in these farms are packed tightly into stables, commonly defecate on themselves, and are butchered at slaughterhouses that use inhumane killing techniques.
So is there a solution to finding a cheap, high quality source of protein? The answer is YES! For years, vegans have been scrutinized by mainstream culture for not indulging in the primitive ritual of the hunt and kill; however, they have been able to maintain a diet considered to be one of the healthiest possible ways to eat. By maintaining consumption of strictly vegetables, grains, nuts, and fruit, vegans are packed full of essential vitamins and nutrients. You might say, “but what if I don’t want to give up eating meat? Vegans are a bunch of tree huggers!” But what if I were able to tell you that there is a way to get all the benefits of being a vegan without quitting flesh? Don’t eat vegan… instead, EAT VEGANS!!! The average American is full of to much trans-fat and cholesterol to make a balanced meal, but vegans are the solution. They are perhaps the most health conscious living beings on earth, and someday maybe a top player in what we consume in the food chain. Of course this is not to say that obtaining this precious meat is an easy task, but, in the sections to follow you will see guidelines and suggestions on how to best capture, prepare, and cook these delicacies.
Section 2) Supply
Step #1- How to get your vegans: methods of capture and containment, from feeding to breeding
There are two ways to obtain a supply of vegan livestock. The first method is coercion. If coercion does not work, the second method is capture. It can be hard to meet a vegan in a natural setting without actively searching for them in their habitat. Places to find vegans in the wild include music festivals, PETA meetings, drum circles, liberal college campuses, animal rights protests, ect. In certain parts of the country it may require some research to see which events are most prominent in your region. Once you have located a possible supply, you can proceed to enact one of the methods. The first method to be applied should be coercion. It is best to start with coercion first because a happy vegan is a healthy vegan. If you are to frighten a vegan too much, their anxiety will cause distress, which could in turn release harmful doses of hormones and lower the quality of the meat. With this method, consent is a must.
Some useful techniques for coercing a vegan to return to the containment center is to tell a fib. An example of these techniques can include crafting a fake PETA meeting poster, and proceeding to pass them out to the vegans. With a little bit of creative design and smooth talking, it should be easy to coerce a small group of 5-10 vegans at least to meet at the “PETA” event. Once they have arrived, a good technique for containing them is to arrange for an “animal rights” photo shoot. Step 1 should be to obtain a cage large enough to hold them. Step 2 is to convince the vegans that you have acquired to get in the cage so a photo can be taken to give non-vegans a perspective on animal cruelty. If you can convince them to get in the cage without any violence, Step 3 is to simply lock the cage. If they begin to panic, explain that it is just an exercise to deeper understand caged-animals plight. They should be willing to comply.
If these methods of coercion do not work, there are some helpful supplies that may assist in a capture. These tools include duck tape, a potato sack, a large dog kennel, and a van. Some restraints such as rope may also be necessary depending on the amount of resistance encountered. Keep in mind these are to be used as a last resort after all friendly attempts have failed. If it is not possible to locate any vegans in your region, it is possible to use a back-up technique called conversion. The goal of the conversion technique is to take normal omnivorous people and convince them of the benefits of becoming a vegan. If you try hard enough, and given a little bit of time, it is possible to convert a non-vegan to a vegan. It might be wise to attempt to convert multiple people at one time. This will raise your chances of success.
Section 3) Containment
Once you have secured your vegan supply, the next step is to maintain that supply until ready for consumption. We have already touched base on some basic supplies. Again, a large cage is almost essential. A dog kennel might do the job. You can find one at your local pet supply store. Once you have solved the storage situation, you can now focus on keeping your vegans healthy and happy. If they are frightened of the situation, their health can deteriorate very quickly. This is why it is important to attempt to keep them happy and positive about being a vegan. One tool that can be useful for maintaining a healthy vegan is a giant hamster wheel. These exercise wheels are perfect to keep your vegans in shape and give them something to do with their time. These are just some suggestions, you may be creative when coming up with your own containment methods.
Section 4) Cooking knowledge
Different parts of an animal’s body can create different meals. The same applies when considering what kinds of dishes you wish to create from your vegans.
Some common body parts you may want to consider for popular dishes can include: pectoralis, or the breast muscle makes for a great steak. Biceps work well for zesty kabob. The abdominal muscles are great for making flank steaks. The phalanges are wonderful for simulating chicken wings or other finger food. Quadriceps makes for a hearty, slow cooked roast. The Soleus, or muscles surrounding the lower leg make great fajita meat with some good tenderizing. The Trapezius muscles on the upper back can be great for choice carne asada meat. Deltoids are an amaizing likeness of chuck roasts. If you are feeling a little upper class, the Latismus Dorsi makes a delicious striploin. The Flexor and Extensors have a similarity to ham hocks. Of course, if your in the mood for a good rump roast, the most ideal part of the vegan is the Glutius Maximus. Biceps Femoris is most commonly used for hamstring burgers. And finally we come to Gastrocnemius, which makes the beast meat for a fine stew steak. Keep in mind that it is best not to waste, so if you can think of any uses for remaining body parts, BE CREATIVE!!!
More to be Posted soon!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment